The IHOP Chronicles
by Jolie en Rose
Summary: Our favorite crew goes to our favorite place. Many random moments and odd couples. Rated T for sheer stupidity. Please R&R! NOW COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique

Disclaimer: I do not own IHOP

Disclaimer: I also do not own this story. I wish I had come up with this pure genius, but this is in fact the work of my best friend Darling Juju.

**The Block Estate**

**Front Lawn**

**November 17th****  
****7:25 P.M.**

"So where are we going tonight?" Claire Lyons directed her light blue gaze at Massie Block.  
Massie shrugged and pretended to rifle through her expensive Chanel bag. "I don't know..."  
"What?!" Dylan Marvil screech-screamed, attracting the attention of the perverted old man across the street. "You hassled us for outfits for a _week _for NOTHING?"  
Her suspicious dark green eyes darted across Massie's exasperated face like a panning camera.  
"Duh-ylan," Massie drawled. "Calm down. Derrick said the boys are going to take us out for a romantic dinner."  
"A romantic dinner?" Alicia Rivera's dark brown eyes sparkled in the dim light.  
"Yep. Something that Plovert has ahb-viously never taken you on," Massie turned to Kristen Gregory and jabbed her ribs with her pointy elbow.  
"HEY!" Kristen turned deep red as the girls giggled. "He has."  
"Maybe to Burger King," Claire managed.  
"HEY!" Kristen argued with her blond friend and blushed again.

The girls high-fived her and laughed openly in Kristen's face until a fast wind began gathering.  
"I'M COLD!" Alicia hugged herself and hopped up and down.  
"Well, you know, it's only fifty-seven degrees outside," Olivia Ryan, the newest member of the Pretty Committee, burst in.  
Everyone stared at her in amazement just as a sleek black Mercedes pulled up. The dark window rolled up and Cameron Fisher grinned at them.  
"The boys are going to pick up their girls," he said as Alicia hopped into the Mercedes and waved at the girls as the window rolled up.  
"Stupid Alicia gets to go there first," Massie mumbled as the car sped off.  
Her clones nodded in agreement.  
Before she knew it, an electric blue Mustang came roaring down the Block's ample driveway.  
"JOSHIE!" Olivia threw herself into shotgun and the girls got a view of the kissing duo just as the door closed.  
"Where are they?" Dylan asked.

No one responded, and the brisk air nipped at their cheeks and threatened to muss their perfectly styled hair.  
"Um, who _is that_?" Claire burst out laughing as a rusty Oldsmobile pulled up.  
Someone reached over and manually drew the window down.  
"Mass!" Derrick Harrington looked positively overjoyed.  
"DERRICK?" Massie jumped back and stared at him in a 'oh-hell-no' way.  
"Yeah. My Lamborghini got trashed, so the Pops lent me his ride."  
Derrick patted the musty seat and a metal spring shot up.  
"EW! I am nawt going with you!" Massie pleaded.  
A confused frown graced Derrick's pretty-boy features and he cut the engine. Then he got out of the car, tucked Massie under one arm, and led her to the Oldsmobile.  
"DERRICK CHRISTOPHER HARRINGTON LET ME DOWN!" Massie roared like Amy Winehouse being pulled back to rehab.

"Bye Massie!" Her cronies sing-songed, taking camera-photos with their expensive limited-edition phones.  
Massie stopped trying to release herself to flip her elegantly manicured middle finger at them. They waved as Massie and Derrick sped off.  
"Are you trying to make my life a living hell?" She growled and folded her arms across her tiny chest. "Do you _know _how many gossip points they'll get?" She demanded.  
He was amused, looking at his girlfriend of way-too-many-years and smiling.  
"Enlighten me, Massie Block. What are Gossip Points?" Derrick said sarcastically.  
Massie ignored him and looked out the window. "Just drive."  
Behind them, Claire and Chris Abeley were smooching in his yellow Porsche, and behind them, Kristen and Chris Plovert were cruising in his brand-new silver BMW.  
"Kemp!" Dylan squealed as her beau walked up to the Block Estate.  
"Where's the car?" She asked suspiciously.

He bowed and blindfolded her. "It's a surprise."  
Dylan felt her facial expression soften and smiled. "Oh really?"  
She smoothed her clammy hands over her Little Black Dress and shifted from one Manolo'ed shoe to the other.  
"Yep." He purred in her ear and led her down the Block's hill.  
"Where are we?" She asked after five silent minutes of walking. She sniffed the air and smelled gasoline and pretzels.  
"We're here," Kemp fumbled with something from his pocket, led Dylan up three steps, and sat her down.  
"Okay. Open your eyes!" He whipped the red checked bandana off, and Dylan screamed.  
Fluorescent lights poked her eyes, and the nauseating scent of mixed perfumes intoxicated her throat. She doubled over.  
"THE PUBLIC BUS?" She scream-cried.  
"Hey lady, be quiet!" A short Italian man with a bushy mustache glowered at her.  
But Dylan kept whacking Kemp with her expensive black Chanel clutch.  
"HOW COULD YOU?" She cried, wiping the tears from her mouth.

"Dyll, calm down. My parents needed the car," he pleaded.  
"Be quiet." Dylan tried standing, but toppled over.  
Two teenaged girls arguing over the Jonas Brothers snickered as Dylan plopped on the floor.  
"Let me help you," Kemp held out his left hand to help her stand, but Dylan shirked from him like he was contagious.  
And he probably was.  
"NO! Don't TOUCH ME!" She pulled a Luna bar from the clutch and began chewing.  
"Why are you eating?" He asked, a blank stare on his face.  
"DON'T BOTHER ME!" She screeched, yanking a bag of Lays from the clutch and chewing loudly.  
"How did that all fit in there?" Kemp asked, amazed.  
"NO REASON!" She roared, pulling a liter of Coke out of the tiny purse and struggling with the bottle cap.  
Two Twinkies, a bottle of Vitamin water, and a puzzled and disturbed Kemp later, he yanked the bag from her clutches.

He popped the bag open and a swirly vortex appeared.  
"What the crap?" He gasped loudly, cautiously sticking his finger in.  
A tiny vanilla doughnut appeared, and he happily licked the cream off his pointer finger. Several people gave his disturbed looks, and he yanked a tub of Chubby Hubby Ben&Jerry's out and began to eat.  
"Now you're talking my language," Dylan said, an evil smile pasted on her face.  
She dug in with him and joyously savored the frozen treat.  
Meanwhile, Cam and Alicia had just pulled up to the restaurant, and he blindfolded her.  
"Oh, Cammie!" Alicia squealed. "What are we going to eat?"  
"Shhh, Leesh," Cam whispered and blew in her ear, causing her to erupt in a series of giggles.  
He stepped out of the car in the parking lot and helped Alicia out.  
"We're almost here," he opened the door and she stumbled into the restaurant.

Her nose turned up and she smelled the air.  
"It smells like calories, Cam," she hissed at him.  
"No it doesn't," he tried to lighten her up. "It smells like romance."  
She burst out laughing and tried to smack him, giggling.  
"Table for twelve?" Cam asked, and the waitress led them to a private room, holding Alicia 'round the waist.  
"Cam," Alicia whined. "What are we doing?"  
"Nothing at all," he whispered mysteriously, and sat her down.  
Outside, Olivia and Josh Hotz (yes, you have to call him by his first and last name, because you're not worthy enough of his eternal hotzness) were stepping in, followed by Kristen and Plovert, who had taken a shortcut.  
"Jawshie," Olivia giggled, batting the air. "Where are-"  
She stopped suddenly and sniffed the air. "It smells like calories."  
"No. It um, smells like love." He stalled.

_Damn, I sound like freaking Cam, _Josh noted, groaning inwardly.  
"Awww...Joshie, I love a romantic man," she tried to kiss his mouth but kissed his tie instead. His cheeks flushed.  
"We have a private room," Plovert loudly and obnoxiously whispered into the waitress's ear.  
The pink-haired temptress led them to the room, where Cam was holding his pointer finger to his mouth. Josh and Plovert sniggered loudly.  
Cam waved them off to the side to inform them to be quiet.  
"It smells like calories!" Kristen suddenly shouted.  
Plovert smacked his forehead and shook his floppy brown hair from side to side.  
"KRIS?" Alicia yelled out, groping around.  
"Leesh?" Kristen and Olivia tried following her voice, but only succeeded in banging into Plovert.  
Plovert's blue eyes shone with pain as they kicked him from different angles.  
Suddenly, Massie stomped in, blindfolded with a very reluctant Derrick skipping in behind her.

Claire and Chris Abeley stepped in, her giggling and him tickling her.  
"Where are Kemp and Dylan?" Derrick mouthed to Cam, his second in command.  
Cam sent him a 'do-I-look-like-I-know-retard-no-wonder-you-failed-fourth-grade' look, and Derr-Bear backed off..  
"One. Two. Three," The boys whipped off their girlfriend's blindfolds.  
"EHMAGAWD!" The PC screamed at the boys.  
"I cannawt-" Massie opened her mouth and shut it, shaking her glossy brunette hair.  
The B5 (minus Kemp, plus Chris Abeley) stared at them in confusion and glanced at each other, panicked.  
"What's wrong?" Josh cleared his throat and was the first to speak.  
The girls looked around in fear. The maple syrup. The calorie counts of WAY over two hundred. The bright lights. The IHOP sign. The sugary aroma that danced around their nostrils.  
"YOU TOOK US TO IHOP?" Alicia hollered, demanding an explanation.  
Cam braced himself for a hit like Claire, his whiny ex, used to.

"IHOP?" Kristen screeched.  
"Oh I love IHOP," Claire chirped in, and Massie hissed at her.  
"The International House of Pancakes. For dinner. You took us. Today." Olivia, as the editor of the school newspaper, loved to get her who, why, where, when, why, and how.  
"Obviously." Kristen rolled her blue eyes and pretended to be mad, but Plovert knew she loved IHOP.  
"We're leaving." Massie said.  
"No." Derrick pulled her down. "We're staying."  
She looked into those intoxicating spheres of sexiness and lust took over her feelings.  
"Fine." She muttered.  
The Pretty Committee was amazed at the alpha.  
"Hi, I'm Cookie. I'll be your waitress tonight," the bottle-blonde gave a bleached grin.

Then, when she realized who was there, her smile faded.  
"Aren't you in my AP Spanish class?" Alicia clarified. As Gossip reporter, she liked to have background information.  
"You work here?" Massie snickered. As head of the Pretty Committee, she liked to be a bitch.  
"Please don't tell anyone," Cookie's eyes dripped with well-rehearsed tears.  
Olivia turned her blonde head to the menu.  
"We won't." Derrick smiled, and Cookie looked ecstatic.  
Alicia and Massie glared at him, but he continued.  
"You must give us the meal for free. You must serve us alcohol. You must serve us the good pancakes. And you must get me a kiddie chair." Derrick said smugly, smiling at Cookie.  
Everyone stared at the blond HART, thinking he had gone positively mad.  
"What?' Derrick asked as Cookie lugged a kiddie chair into the room.  
He hoisted himself into the chair, his thighs stuck in the leg holes.

His large frame seemed doubly hilarious in the chair, and he smiled haughtily while Cookie placed a kiddie menu on his table.  
"Ready to order?" Cookie pulled a click-close blue Commerce Bank pen from her loose bun and sighed.  
"Do you serve salads?" Massie snapped, getting to the point.  
Cookie shook her head and stared at the reddening alpha.  
"Well, I WANT salad." Massie hissed at her, pressing the menu into Cookie's innocent palms.  
"Bu-Bu-But," Cookie tried defending herself, but the alpha's freaky eyes made that impossible.  
"I'll have three strawberry pancakes smothered with strawberries, drizzled with whipped cream, and topped off with a juicy fresh, washed strawberry each." Alicia said brightly.  
Cam licked his lips and fanned himself. "I'll have the same."  
Everyone licked his or her lips too.  
Massie looked disgusted and cleared her throat. "Alicia, good thing Cam loves you even if you're fat, because that's gonna go STRAIGHT to your hips."

Alicia's brown eyes watered, Cam's bicolored gaze narrowed, Olivia and Claire warned, and Kristen scolded the alpha with their eyes.  
"I'll have two pancakes." Alicia whispered.  
Cookie scribbled onto the pad of paper and nodded.  
"I want chocolate-chip pancakes. A full stack of seven, with eggs Benedict," Claire said eagerly, and Chris Abeley held her hand. "We're sharing."  
Massie sent her an 'ew' look and everyone glared at the brunette.  
"I want three banana-cream-pie pancakes and sausage," Kristen announced.  
"I want seven banana-cream-pie pancakes and a butterscotch sundae," Plovert joined in.  
Massie's thin lips, shellacked in a potent mixture of M.A.C., Glossip Girl, and Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush, parted open in horror at the fact that people could eat.  
"WAHHH!" Derrick yelled, thumping his fists onto the wooden table.

Cookie sighed and flipped to the next sheet.  
"Yes?" She asked, staring at the blonde, who jabbered.  
"I want twenty silver-dollar pancakes, a Belgian waffle, a strawberry sorbet, and a ton of BACON!" He banged his palms on the flat wooden surface.  
Everyone nodded. Massie almost hurled.  
"Can we have the 'Pure Meat, Pure Love' centerpiece?" Kristen asked Cookie.  
"Sure." Cookie nodded eagerly. "Do you want Italian Sausage or regular?" Cookie asked, pen tip poised above her sheet of paper. "Italian," Alicia licked her lips, grimacing as she swallowed her 'Prada Pink' M.A.C lip-gloss.  
"Totally," Cam wrapped an arm around Alicia's shoulders.  
"Can you bring us a pound of ham too?" Massie asked rhetorically.  
"OMG, that's a great idea!" Olivia shrieked, and Josh nodded in agreement.

"Sure. Cut thin or thick?" Cookie asked.  
"THICK!" They all rubbed palms in happiness, and Massie held her stomach in a desperate urge not to puke on herself.  
"I think I'm going to be sick," she said.  
But between Derrick screaming like a pig, Cam and Alicia having themselves a good snog, Claire and Chris Abeley cooing, Kristen reading the menus, Plovert trying not to break anything, and Olivia and Josh talking about where Kemp and Dylan were, no one noticed her running to the bathroom to hurl and cry.  
Not necessarily in that order.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the Clique, IHOP, or soft beverages

Disclaimer: I don't own the Clique, IHOP, or soft beverages.

Disclaimer: I am posting this story for my bestie, Darling JuJu

**International House of Pancakes **

**Private Room**

**November 17th**

**9:49 P.M.**

"Bring it OVER!" Chris Abeley licked his lips and banged his fork on the table.

Cookie Olsen, their waitress, sauntered over with a tray of drinks.

"Chris, they're only drinks," Claire Lyons arched a pale blonde eyebrow and playfully rolled her blue eyes.

Massie Block rolled her amber eyes seriously and continued filing her nails and mumbling to herself.

"WAH!" Derrick Harrington wailed once more and banged his fist against his wooden tray.

Cookie pasted a file on her pale face and placed the drinks in front of their appropriate owners and cleared her throat.

"An Oreo milkshake for you," she placed the frothy, milky drink in front of Cam Fisher's glowing bicolored eyes.

"A strawberry limeade for you," she gave the sugary drink to Claire, who hopped up and down in her seat.

"Three Diet Cokes," she gave one to Alicia Rivera, Kristen Gregory, and Olivia Ryan, who smirked happily and daintily sipped at the sugar-free beverage.

"A, um, Sunny D," Cookie concealed a smile as she handed Derrick the tiny orange-flavored bottle.

"WHERE'S MY KIDDIE CUP?" He roared, tears streaming down his cheeks as he bellowed over and over.

Cookie whipped a tiny cup with a dinosaur on it and a straw out of her pocket and poured the citrus-y drink into it.

Derrick reluctantly began to drink.

"A Mountain Dew." Cookie handed Chris Abeley the limey drink and the other boys began sniggering loudly.

"A pineapple-mango exotic drink with a splash of strawberry," she handed the special drink to Chris Plovert.

"Where's my Perrier infused with tropical kiwi accents?" Massie demanded, her amber eyes lighting up in a total horror-movie way.

"Um, we don't have any P-P-Perrier. But we can offer you the drink of the day," Cookie shook all over.

"Don't be afraid of her," Alicia waved a hand in the air and was rewarded by a glare from Massie.

"Do you want to be kicked out of the Pretty Committee, Rivera?" Massie threatened, pushing her sleeves up.

Olivia snorted. "You're going to fight Massie?" She stared at the alpha and shook her head slowly.

"YES. I AM!" Massie kicked her purple Jimmy Choos off and held her tiny fists in the air.

Everyone shook their heads and snickered into their drinks while they watched the two hottest girls in high school battle.

"What happens if I win?" Alicia removed her earrings calmly.

"I'll drink the special of the day." Massie growled, hopping up and down Rocky-style.

Everyone clearly thought the alpha had gone psycho by this point and panic-glared at Derrick.

He, meanwhile, was chanting the ABCs and sticking a silver spoon into his mouth, giggling.

"A, M, B, H, J, U , P!" He rehearsed the first line, and Cam sent Josh Hotz a disgusted look.

"This is who our alpha is?" Cam demanded, urging the B5 to come closer and whisper.

"I dunno." Plovert stated, watching as Massie spat curse words out her throat and finally gasped.

"And if I win, what happens, Uh-Leesh-Uh?" Massie hissed loudly, shoving Alicia.

"You get to keep my new Prada bag," Alicia shot back. "So you can sell it and get yourself a decent wardrobe."

"WAAHHHHH!" Derrick screamed from the kiddie chair, knocking his uncovered Sunny D all over Claire's new Gap sweatshirt.

"HEY! " Claire rammed the chair, toppling it sideways.

Derrick frantically tried to wriggle out, but found himself to be stuck. He squirmed and began sobbing.

"NO!" Olivia shrieked as one espadrille touched the orange concoction.

"It's all your fault!" She wailed loudly, hitting Claire with Josh's black umbrella.

"GUYS!" Cookie pleaded, settling the spat between Claire, Olivia, and Derrick.

Derrick was thrown back into his kiddie chair, Claire pulled her sweatshirt off, fuming in her navy Gap tee, and Olivia pulled a change of shoes from her bag.

"You keep shoes in your bag?" Josh asked, his eyes widening as she laced her coffee-colored Coach sneakers up.

"Duh, Joshua," she flipped her blonde hair and continued tying the laces.

"So wait, who won the fight?" Kristen clarified.

Olivia yanked a spare Bic pen from her purse and poised the tip above her palm, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah." The two besties said in unison.

Alicia took one elegantly done finger and shoved Massie's shoulder gently with it. After fidgeting for three seconds, Massie collapsed onto the floor, weeping like a baby.

Derrick joined in until it sounded like a band of crying babies united to destroy everyone's patience and hearing.

"Then you'll take the special of the day?" Cookie chirped brightly.

Massie's amber eyes suddenly stopped tearing and narrowed her eyes, slowly and bitterly nodding twice.

"Perfect!" Cookie squealed and rushed off to the kitchen.

Cam put his toned arm across Alicia's shoulders. "Can I ask what the hell that was?"

Claire opened her mouth, closed it, and shrugged her narrow shoulders in a 'I don't know' way, biting her bottom lip.

"Let's just try to eat in peace," Alicia put her large hoops back on and stared lovingly into Cam's eyes.

"Let's." Josh concurred firmly, grabbing Derrington's diaper bag from under the floor and jamming a blue pacifier into the blonde's mouth.

Derrick spit out the rubbery toy and began wailing once more.

"Shut up," Chris Abeley rolled his blue eyes and began making goo-goo eyes at his beloved Clairebear.

"Here you go, Miss," Cookie smiled brightly again.

Massie raised her puffy eyes to Alicia, who smirked smugly.

"Do I have to drink this bull?" Massie stared at the solution as if it was a Polyjuice potion.

"Oh, yeah." Everyone answered for the Spanish beauty and then watched as the brunette alpha pursed her lips and prepared to drink.

"To US!" Olivia squeaked joyfully, raising her glass into the air and urging everyone to lift his or her cups.

"To us," everyone confirmed clinking plastic glasses.

Their gazes rested upon Massie's green glass, and she swirled it with her long straw.

"What is this?" She asked, pushing it away in disgust and contorting her delicate features.

Cookie waved her to the glass. "Just drink."

Massie stared at it, then lifted it to her lips and took a hearty chug. She swallowed and stared at the ceiling, her mouth crinkling at the corners, finally forming a devious smirk.

"It's nawt half-bad," Massie took another sip and contemplated its flavor. She scrunched her thinly plucked barely there eyebrows together and thought. "Kiwi?"

"Yes!" Cookie looked positively delighted. "Our special of the day is the Kiwi Frappalappacino!"

"A whatsit?" Josh asked, looking at Massie's glass.

"A delicious concoction of kiwi, java beans, and vanilla, sprinkled with cinnamon and splashed with milk."

"That sounds nasty," Olivia furrowed her brows and blinked.

"It's good," Massie finished it off. "I'll have another."

Claire raised her palm in the air. "Me too."

Cookie scribbled on her omni-present notebook and nodded, her blonde bun shaking in tune with her head.

"Anyone else?" she asked, looking around the table before disappearing into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back." Chris A. excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"I'll be counting the minutes," Claire shriek-whined.

Chris stared at her, arching an eyebrow, and finally disappearing to the restroom.

"I'm tired." Alicia stated mildly, leaning on Cam's shoulder. "I have SAT prep tomorrow morning," she reminded them.

"Oh, lighten up, Leesh. It's not until eleven tomorrow anyways," Kristen reminded her.

Alicia folded her arms across her chest and mock-pouted while Cam grinned like a pirate at him.

"I cannawt believe we're at IHOP," Kristen mused, playfully slapping Plovert's arm and smiling at him.

"I CAN! I LOVE THIS PLACE!" Massie hopped on the table and danced while sipping another Kiwi Koncoction.

"This thing IS good!" Claire jumped up and down, bubbly as ever.

"Let me try," Olivia reached over Josh's shoulder to slurp some kiwiliciousness. She licked her lips.

"SHIT! IT IS GOOD!" She screeched, clapping eagerly.

"Lemme try," Kristen and Alicia said in unison.

Alicia sipped and Kristen took her straw and drank the dregs.

"OH. MY. GOD!" They squeal-tackled each other and hopped up and down, giggling.

"Are you girls okay?" Plovert asked, touching Kristen's hand lightly.

"PERFECTO!" Kristen practically shot up in her seat, cracking up hysterically. All the girls joined in. Even Derrick stopped screeching like a monkey to stare at the females.

"What happened to them?" Cam asked, standing up and squinting Nick Jonas-style.

"TRY THIS DRINK!" Massie cackled, dancing up a storm and now doing the Egyptian on the table.

"Massie Annette Block, get off the damned table." Derrick stomped his foot on the wood.

"What's the fuss?" Cookie Olsen demanded, rushing over with three pancake stacks in her arms.

"Nothing, Cook!" Alicia shook her arms in the air, her monstrous boobs jiggling. Cam salivated.

"MORE DRINKS!" Olivia bellowed, doing the Cotton Eye Joe on the floor with her Coach sneakers.

"Um, sure,." cookie rushed off eagerly fetch more drinks.

"What's gotten into them?" Chris Abeley came back and stared at the girls with a mixture of amusement and confusion plastered on his hunky facial features.

"Chrissy!" Claire slurred, stomping over to him and shimmying in his face.

"COOKIE!" Josh suddenly bellowed.

The blonde pranced over, another round of frothy green drinks in her arms. "Yes?"

"What are in these drinks?" Plov demanded.

"N-N-Nothing." Cookie stuttered. "Kiwi, milk, java beans, vanilla," she dropped her voice and mumbled.

"What else, Cookie?" Cam ordered.

Suddenly, Alicia pulled the tray off Cookie's arms and began drinking them.

"It's a secret ingredient, "she dropped her voice. "That makes the drink delectable and irresistible."

"THAT'S IT?" All the boys hollered.

"And a minute amount of vodka," Cookie added hastily.

"But they didn't drink that much," Josh argued.

Cookie shrugged. "Derrick told me to put vodka in the beginning," she defended herself.

The boys turned to Derrick, who turned bright pink.

"WHAAA?" He acted innocent. "It wasn't me," he protested.

"Well, whatever," Cookie shot out like a dart and the boys turned to each other and their girls in pure horror.

Suddenly, not enough maple syrup wasn't their biggest problem...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any chapter in this story; everything belongs to my best friend Darling Juju**

**International House of Pancakes****  
****Private Room****  
****November 18th****  
****12:26 A.M.******

"G-Guys, d'you think," Cookie Olsen cupped her strawberry-blonde bun nervously.

"Join us...drink," Massie Block banged a Kiwi Frappalappacino against her blemish-free chin and giggled as green mush dripped off her chin.

"NO!" Derrick Harrington rocked the wooden high chair back and forth, screaming for Mommy.

Rolling his perfectly exotic dark brown eyes, Josh Hotz tested a plastic bottle's milk on his toned forearm and placed it in front of Derrick.

His light brown eyes dwelled on it before he whacked the innocent bottle to the ground and began throwing a tantrum, his boyish face growing deep red.

"HEE HEE!" Alicia Rivera started slow-dancing with a purple-splattered painting, giggling loudly as she yanked her cowl-neck sweater off.

Cam Fisher salivated, and Chris Plovert punched him in the arm, sniggering loudly.

"I'M A MONKEY!" Claire Lyons threw her bronzed arms in the maple syrup-scented air and began making chimpanzee noises.

"What vodka is this?" Chris Abeley gasp-muttered, sneakily applying light brown blush to the apples of his fabulously-high cheekbones.

"Why the hell are you wearing make-up? It's so girly?" Josh Hotz watched his girlfriend, Olivia Ryan, dirty-dance with Massie, wiggling her tiny butt fiercely.

"Oh, c'mon, Hotz, we all know that YOU wear make-up," Cam snickered.

"What?" Josh turned bright red and faced the B5 defensively. "I so don't-why'd you even say that?"

"Your red lips smell like cherries and look exactly like the shade of Revlon's 'Paint the Town Red'," Cam commented.

"Dude, I don't know what's creepier-Josh wearing make-up, or the fact that you notice lipstick shades," Plov argued, arching a light brown eyebrow.

"CAM A GIRL! CAM A GIRL!" Derrick screeched, rocking back and forth on his high-chair, slamming his sticky fists against the wooden tray and giggling.

"Um, excuse me-" Cookie said softly.

"DUH-ERRICK!" Massie shimmied in his face while Alicia congaed under Kristen's chair. "COME DRINK!"

Derrick momentarily looked like a high school senior, but succeeded in later appearing like a kindergartener.

"Leesh, you're kinda, um, topless." Cam whispered, grabbing his girls' arm.

"_Que? Yo no hablo ingles_," she said with a lilting accent.

"Alicia, it's not funny." Cam said urgently.

"_Que pasa_?" She demanded, wriggling from his manly grip and glaring at him.

Kristen Gregory donned a red wig and was untangling it, sipping and slurping her Kiwi Frap eagerly, kissing Plov repeatedly.

Suddenly, Claire collapsed on the floor, twitching. Chris's blue eyes shot open.

"CLAIRE-BEAR!" Abeley rushed over to her and held her head up, waiting for an answer and feeling for a pulse.

"What's. Wrong. Claire?" Massie stumbled over, as if walking on a broken heel. Her face looked positively kelly green, and her right hand was at her stomach.

"Are you okay, Mass?" Chris Abeley asked, putting a gentle hand on Miss Block's

Suddenly, as if on cue, both Massie and Claire puked on themselves and Chris Abeley. Josh and Cam burst out laughing, and even the sensitive Plov snickered loudly.

"GROSS!" He rushed off to the bathroom, darting off faster than Kemp to the post office when Playboy arrived.

Speaking of our beloved Kemp Hurley and his beloved Dylan Marvil...

"This is the BEST cookie, Dylan!" Kemp hungrily gobbled up a tray of sweets and belched obnoxiously.

Dylan nodded, reaching into her purse and pulling a powdered chocolate doughnut. She didn't notice that her stomach was quickly expanding, her ample waistline growing thicker.

"Kemp...I love you," she said in between chews of Captain Crunch.

"Dylan...You look fat," he turned away in disgust, his perpetually-skinny b0dy inching away from her.

"W-W-What?" Dylan look confused and appalled and freaked.

"You're a pig," he stated, rubbing his flat stomach and frowning profoundly.

"Where'd that come from?" She asked tearfully. "You ate with me. W-W-W-We shared Little Debbie Snack Cakes!" She protested against the hypocrite boyfriend, shoving him.

"HEY!" The chauffeur complained as the bus rocked. "Stop, lady."

"What?" Kemp screamed. "I was too seduced by pastries to notice who you really were-"

"REALLY?" Dylan's bright green eyes brightened.

"Yeah. A fat pig." Kemp mumbled.

Dylan charged, shoving the bus to the left. The bus suddenly toppled over, and everyone screamed. After a few still seconds, Kemp gulped.

"Dyll." He said faintly.

Dylan fluffed her deep red curls and smiled. Kemp had finally come to his senses.

"What, K-Boo?" She said, copying Plov's name for Kristen and beaming.

"You're sitting on me." He gasped a couple of times for sweet air, and then banged his head on the floor.

Back in the IHOP World...

"Oh, sweetie," Cam leaned over to inspect his girlfriend's body. Alicia had collapsed exactly two minutes ago and showed no signs of life.

He ran a firm, manly hand through her dark, wavy head of hair and fingered two loose curls.

"You look like a pedophile." Plovert wore a coconut bra and grass skirt as he lifted Kristen over his shoulders.

Josh suddenly emerged from the bathroom, carrying Derrick in a onesie over his shoulder and patting his back. Derrick suddenly burped and the began wailing.

"COOKIE! COOKIE!" Derrick screamed, sobbing until Josh stuck an Otis Spunkermeyer chocolate-chip pastry into his open mouth.

"Happy?" Josh snarled. Derrick chewed happily and clapped stupidly.

"Can we leave?" Chris Abeley whispered to Cookie.

Cookie happily nodded, and the boys picked their drunken girlfriends up and moved them to their sides so they wouldn't drown when they puked.

"Back to the Mercedes," Cam yawned, his bicolored gaze unfocused from sleepiness.

"Yup," Josh hoisted Olivia on his shoulder and winced as her weight piled on him.

"So long, IHOP!" Chris Plovert waved at the bright lights as he held Kris up, leading her to the car.

"BYE BYE!" Derrick removed his fist from his mouth and waved a slobber-filled palm. Cam turned away.

"Hey," Josh said, opening the door to his electric-blue car. "Where's Massie?"

"I dunno. Who cares?" Plov shrugged, adjusting his coconut bra.

"WHERE MASSIE?" Derrick asked, his light brown eyes widened innocently.

"That's exactly what we're thinking." Plov shuddered as Kristen hurled.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique

Disclaimer: I do not own this chapter, series, or story, it is the property of my best friend Darling Juju

**International House of Pancakes ****  
****Parking Lot****  
****November 18th****  
****2:37 A.M.**As Cam Fisher struggled to hoist his sleeping girlfriend into the passenger seat of his hot black Mercedes, Josh Hotz let out a low chuckle.

"What, Clinique boy?" Cam whisper-hissed, almost toppling over under the weight of Alicia Rivera's hefty boobs.

Josh's face dropped slightly, but soon regained his usual swagger and smugness. "Oh, nothing," he said briskly, sniggering into his mango lotion'ed palm.

"Well?" Chris Plovert stopped performing a rain dance with his swirling grass skirt to glare at both of them.

"It's just that-" Josh bit his glossy red lip and flipped his hair. Snickering, he continued. "Cam is like the only guy who wouldn't use this opportunity to like, y'know, do Alicia."

Chris Abeley frowned and Derrick Harrington screamed, banging his fists against the concrete.

Everyone rolled their eyes and glared at the blonde alpha as he screeched, causing the scuffed silver car halfway across the street to slowdown and lower the window, sending a shock of rock metal wailing into the night.

"Look, it's the pretty-boys!" One of them, with a pierced tongue ring, screamed, high-fiving his almost-drunken buddy in shotgun next to him.

Cam resisted the urge to pull his Diesel jeans up and shuffled from one foot to the next.

"SEE YOU SUCKERS!" Pierced tongue-ring boy screamed before the dark wheels screeched away, sending the heavy metal elsewhere.

Screams of whiny words brought the boys back to the presence of the toddler/teenager in front of them.

"Stop." Plov said sternly, glaring at the seventeen-year-old. "You're a big boy now, Derrick."

"ME NO BIG BOY! ME NO BIG BOY! LOLLIPOP!" Screaming and wailing, fat tears rolled down Derrick's cheeks and he rolled onto his probably-soiled Huggies.

"Oh my God, will he be quiet?" Cam said, bribing the alpha with his jingly, gold house keys.

Derrick momentarily stared at the bicolored beta, then snatched the keys up and promptly stuck them in his mouth, sucking contentedly and giggle-clapping obnoxiously. A swift wind suddenly blew by, and Derrick frowned, grabbed himself, and began screaming.

After swaddling him in a baby pink blanket with duckies and bopping up and down, Josh placed Derrick in his electric-blue Mustang and rolled his dark brown eyes.

"Where was I?" His eyes moved along the sky and back. "Ah hah. Yes, Cam, that just proves what a sissy you are."

He folded his tanned arms across his chest and batted his thick eyelashes triumphantly, waiting for a retort.

"Ya know, Joshua," Cameron spat. "You should pay attention to your own damned girlfriend." He pointed at Olivia Ryan, who was leaning against the hood of the car, snoring.

Josh momentarily glanced at the blonde pixie-like girl, and then waved her away. "No response?"

"Just because I'm not a horndog doesn't mean I can't beat the shit out of you when necessary," Cam shook his fist, swinging it at Josh.

Josh gasped. "Excuse me?" He demanded, growing crimson.

Cam smirked, turning a little evil inside. "Yes. Excuse you, little boy."

Even Derrick's square jaw dropped open, and he screeched "OOOOHH!"

Josh stomped his foot and turned to Chris Abeley. "HOLD MY EARRINGS!" He yanked the pink drop heart clip-ons off and held his fists out Rocky-style.

Right when they were about to begin, Derrick interrupted, and Plovert looked relieved. "MASSIE? MMMAAASSSIIEEEE!" He began to sob hysterically.

"Where _is_ Massie?" Chris searched from Claire Lyons, to Alicia, to Olivia, to Kristen Gregory. "Maybe she's in the bathroom?"

"Let's go find her. I wanna go home," Plovert began walking away.

"WAIT. We can't leave the girls just thrown here," Cam reasoned. "That would be horrible."

"True dat." Plov lifted Kristen over his shoulder and marched towards the brightly-lit entrance. The boys reluctantly followed him, and Chris banged into Cookie Olsen by accident, who was leaving.

"Did you need something else?" She buttoned her gray coat and yawned.

"Nope. We're going to go get Massie," Josh muttered, adjusting Livs.

"Oh." Cookie's green eyes widened. "The door is locked so just keep it open 'til you leave," she warned, waving good-bye and stepping into her silver Beetle.

"Abeley, stand here," Josh demanded, grabbing a screaming Derrick by the chocolately hand and helping him waddle around the restaurant.

Hotz-Boy winced as Derrick licked his palm and then fit his palm on his.

"Sure thing," Chris rolled his cobalt-blue eyes and snickered, saluting the Alicia-clone. "Chief."

"This is pointless." Plovert argued, sneaking a Laffy Taffy from his bra. "Massie could be anywhere," he said, garbled from chewing.

Derrick suddenly hit Chris in the legs, giggling loudly.

"WHAT?!" Cam yelled as C.A. screamed like a girl who's Barbie had been yanked from her palms.

"CLAIRE!" Chris gasped as his girl slid off his shoulder. He rushed towards her and the door slammed shut, concealing them in the pitch-black.

"NO!" Plovert screeched, begging and bawling loudly, whimpering as he sank to the tile floor wearily.

"Oh dear God." Chris opened his glossy mouth in pure horror, dragging Claire by her lanky legs and sighing.

"Now we're screwed," Cam gasped, gulping and running a hand through his dark hair.

"Ay-men." Josh whispered, nudging Olivia, trying to get her awake so maybe she could contribute an idea to their pathetic circle. Close, but no cigar.

"Amen." The boys could only echo.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique

Disclaimer: I do now this series, it belongs to my friend Darling JuJu.

Author's Note "Thank you to all of my reviewers, your reviews make me smile. xoxo Darling JuJu"

**International House of Pancakes**

**Somewhere Inside**

**November 18th**

**4:28 A.M.**

"Well, this is romantic," Josh Hotz mumbled as Olivia Ryan began to stir.

"Shut up, Joshua." Cam Fisher brushed his black hair back and ran his hand through Alicia Rivera's thick, dark hair. He glared at his long-time enemy/BFF and sighed.

"Fisher, you're the one who suggested that we bring the girls with-OW!!" Chris Plovert whined after a loud thunk emerged from his corner.

"What's going on?" Chris Abeley demanded, panting from the heat. He then rubbed his flat stomach. "I'm damned hungry."

"Me too," a tiny voice rang out from Chris Abeley's lap.

"HOLY SH-!" Plovert screamed. "ABELEY'S DICK IS TALKING!"

"No, idiot, it's me," Claire Lyons rolled her blue eyes and sat up, nudging Chris and sighing. "Where the hell are we?"

Cam rolled his bicolored eyes and explained the incredibly fascinating story of trying to find Massie, how the girls had gotten drunk off Kiwi Frappalappacinos, and how it was actually her fault that they were locked in. And of course, he added in about Josh's make-up and earrings, and how Kemp and Dylan were missing in action, and how IHOP would be sued for faulty pancakes and locks, and how Derrick Harrington better STFU if he knows what's good for him.

Derrick responded with a loud wail and a swift kick to Cam's arm.

"WHAT THE HELL?" The beta bellowed, losing his temper for the third time that night. He picked Derrick up by the neck and shoved him against the wall.

"Cam," Plov-Ert said sternly.

"Cammmmm," Olivia said sweetly, giggling at poking Joshie.

"Cam!" Claire said, suddenly sounding worried, confused, and had a slight hint of anger and annoyance.

"I'm tired! I'm hungry! I'm in freaking IHOP!" Cam roared, letting Derrick collapse on the floor in a sweaty sobbing heap of boy.

"Cammie," Alicia cooed into his ear. "Calm down, baby," she said, running her glossy lips down his neck.

He got calm and his pants didn't fit correctly.

Josh cackled loudly, and Plovert himself snickered loudly. The girls that were awake tittered.

"I'm starved," Olivia announced loudly, her stomach rumbling like a truck.

"Let's try to find something to eat," Kristen Gregory's knees cracked when she stood and she uneasily began groping around for something.

"I have a light on my keys!" Josh said eagerly, sounding like a seven-year-old.

"OOH! OOH! TURN IT ON!" Plovert said, hopping up and down eagerly.

Josh fumbled around, muttered a few curse words under his hot, sugary breath, and finally clicked a bright light on, bathing a small section of the pancake home in brilliant light. He twirled around, shining it on Alicia's face.

"Okay. Let's go find Massie," Cam said uneasily. "Um, let's go in pairs. I'll be with-"

"ME!" Claire shrieked, lunging at Cam. "Sadie Hawkins."

"Kuh-laire," Alicia yanked the fairy-like blonde off her boy toy. "Cam's MY man. He dumped you."

"Besides," Olivia said smugly. "This is a search party, nawt a house party."

"I know," Claire said evenly. "Me and Cam haven't, like, reconnected. Right Cammie?" She slapped his firm, supple butt and his cheeks flushed.

"Claire," Kristen said warningly. "Don't."

"Don't what, Kuh-risten?" Claire snapped. "Gawd knows Cam still loves me, not Slutlicia."

Everyone was completely silent, especially a certain boy with bicolored eyes and black hair.

"Cam," Alicia said shakily. "Tell her she's wrong."

Cam finally spoke. "Alicia,"

Alicia and Claire both held their breaths and gasped as the boy addressed her by name.

"I do love you. Claire, screw off," Cam repeated.

Suddenly, Alicia stood up and whispered something into his ear. Whatever she had said, he looked terrified at the Spanish beauty's very sight.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, shrinking back into space beside Claire.

"Vamos," Josh said, slapping Olivia on the butt and smirking at her.

"MASSIE!" Derrick wailed as Claire perched the blonde on her hip awkwardly.

"EHMAGAWD!" Olivia screamed as Josh shone his light on a vault. She quickly opened it, and a large pool of an amber liquid lapped the sides gently.

"What is it?" Plov hid behind his girlfriend.

Kristen rolled her aqua eyes and pushed him forward. He was such a baby.

Josh shoved his girlfriend away and stuck his index finger in cautiously. After sniffing it delicately, he stuck it in his mouth and sucked the gooey liquid off.

"IT'S MAPLE SYRUP! IT'S A MAPLE SYRUP MINE!" Josh screeched.

Cam quickly dipped his hands in and slurped the sugary plasma from his palms. "Dear Lord."

His eyes dilated and he began giggling.

Derrick stuck his thick fist in and sucked contentedly. He pulled a tiny bag of flour from a corner, threw the flour on the floor, and spread an even coat of maple syrup over it, creating a makeshift pancake.

Plovert did the Macarena, whoo-ing.

"This is GOOD!" Kristen and Alicia chimed in harmony, sipping and licking the maple syrup. Clarie stripped down and threw herself in the small pool; coating herself with the syrup and letting Chris lick it off her.

"EW!" The girls moaned.

"PEDOPHILE!" The boys screamed, punching Chris Abeley's arm.

And so they waited for the sun to rise by eating maple syrup, listening to Cam giggle, and licking sugar off their thin bodies.

And when Cookie Olsen reopened at 11 A.M., she found them drunk with excitement and maple syrup, all of them sticky and bronze with it all over their bodies.

"Oh my-" she began chuckling.

They didn't give a flying monkey crap-I wouldn't either if I had recently discovered a maple syrup mine.

Meanwhile, along Sycamore Road...

"Well, this is a nice date," Kemp Hurley rolled his dark brown eyes and huffed. He motioned for the waiter at the suave French cafe to bring him another Frappucino.

"SHUT UP!" Massie Block licked a croissant eagerly and sipped orange juice.

"I finally escaped from that pancakes shit," she said.

Kemp arched his unibrow. "When'd you escape?"

"Last night." Massie sipped her low-fat, sugar-free OJ. "Where's Dylan?"

Kemp snorted and drank his tap water from a Grey Goose bottle. "She died."

"How?" Massie demanded, not looking sad in the very least. "What happened?"

"She ate so much, she got bloated and flew off into the atmosphere," Kemp sounded like he was talking about the weather or the latest Yankees news.

"Wow." Massie smiled. "You're so mature, Kempost."

Kemp beamed. "You're so skinny, Massie," he said, admiring her.

Her amber eyes sparkled, and his brown eyes twinkled mischievously.

She responded by giving him a long, sugar-free kiss.

And they all lived sugary ever after.

Fin.


End file.
